Tag Archives: trust

Mantras… and peace

 

Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya

 

om–O my Lord; namah–my respectful obeisances unto You; bhagavate–unto the Personality of Godhead; vasudevaya–unto Lord Krsna, the son of Vasudeva. 

TRANSLATION 

O my Lord, the all-pervading Personality of Godhead, I offer my respectful obeisances unto You.  (SB: C4:8-54)

 

While many young people visited India in person, I merely joined an ashram in Montreal midway through my first year of college (hence only completing a quarter of the fine art program). Somehow, at the time, that had sounded like “the right thing to do.” I imagine I would have gotten a whole lot more out of the actual experience of living in India as opposed to being immersed into their philosophies in a culture that thought white women wearing saris had been brainwashed by some cult (while the folks at the ashram thought that 18 year old young women would be safest married off to like-minded young eligible brahmacharyas from the men’s (read: boy’s) ashram). The thought of someone else picking my mate seemed like an anathema to me. Besides… I hadn’t done that yet, and I wanted to do it with someone of my own choosing… someone who I had some kind of chemistry with. Really, I wanted to be a gopi and just be one of Krishna’s consorts. Now Krishna… he was something! I even found his skin color scintillating… ahhh… how I wished I could be his Radha.

As most 18 year olds are wont to do, I left after about 6 months, to pursue the next thing that felt like “the right thing to do.” I took with me, though, some philosophies that remained with me and continue to influence my perception of the world. While most people finished their higher education, found mates and started families, I was busy trying to figure out the purpose of my existence… and humanity’s as a whole, essentially. Can’t say that I’ve definitively figured that one out, but I do feel a whole lot more comfortable with my place in the whole… though that may not be saying much… LOL  And I still think that Krishna is hot.

Beginnings and secrets…

Vyasa: There’s something secret about beginning. I don’t know how to start.

Ganesha: As you claim to be the author of the poem, how about beginning with yourself?

– Jean-Claude Carriere, The Mahabharata: A Play Based Upon the Indian Classic Epic, trans. Peter Brook, (New York: Harper & Row, 1987)

Shake ups are good… I’m finding that when stuff is really not feeling right, it’s the best remedy, and more welcome than rued… at least at this point in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever welcomed change as much as I do now. I feel like one of those crazy base jumpers, fearlessly launching myself off of the top of a cliff (woo-hoo!!!) while yet another part of me stares slack-jawed at my falling form, awestruck at my courage and yet quietly confident that after the exhilarating adrenaline rush, my feet will gently touch down onto the earth once again, unscathed and radiant in my afterglow.

Trust… trusting in self is something that is an acquired… trait. It certainly doesn’t come naturally to me, especially when for much of my young life it was something that was systematically dismantled by anyone whose grasp I fell into.  Conditioned to be a sheep when really I just wanted to be a wolf and howl at the moon… or something.  Mostly I’d complacently follow along until I’d just had it with the being pushed around thing, and revolted in less-than-subtle (and not always constructive) ways.  It is a long and arduous journey toward our authentic self, and sometimes even the concept of authenticity of the self becomes the allure. I can usually tell that I’m on the right track by how my body feels… is there a knot in the pit of my stomach or not? Am I basking in the flow of sheer pleasure or am I chewing the skin off of the surface of my lips (I’d been asked once… “Why are you eating yourself?”). It seems self-cannibalism occurs when I am not on the right track.

So… on secrets and beginnings (which effectively also implies an ending), I have some projects in the works that I am excited about. Some of them involve Creativity Coaching (and creative resources) while others involve creative endeavors, one of which is a story that I’ve had brewing for quite some time, which I am once again ready to turn my attention to. I hope you will be complicit to their unfolding.