Tag Archives: Starbucks

contemplating commitment

RuneTree

Silver glints in my hair, finely threaded through my bedhead. I wash the gesso off of the foam brush so I can use it again, later, while observing my reflection in the bathroom mirror. It’s all about economy now. Of movement. Of expression. Of resources.

The sun is filtering through the low lying mist this morning, it’s presence an unaccustomed sight. Winter here in the upper northwest is weighted down with short days and even less light, the sun socked behind a haze of overcast that every once in a while miraculously dissipates – like now. It was cold overnight, frost etching the surface of all things with a crystalline sheen.

I contemplate my 30-day journal quote from a few days ago (because I am behind and instead of picking and choosing through the days that I’ve not done, I feel compelled to make up for all of it – yet another thing to explore when I have a moment).

The quote for Day 2 was :
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

(words by W. H. Murray from his book, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition)

Commitment isn’t an easy word for me. I’ve struggled with it for a long time. Initially, I commit to things doggedly, so when I finally make the decision to do so, I want it to be the right one. Which leads to very little happening, and very little commitment. I think that by dabbling and avoiding the commitment I’ll actually get to a place where there is enough to pull together and make something from, and then I’ll commit to making it better. There never is. Enough. It’s all just a huge collection of structureless discombobulated bits.

And I realize, on retrospection, that I am much the same with relationships. I observe. I wait. I gauge. And invariably walk away. The cost for all of this, is several fold. Much of the good in life happens when one commits wholeheartedly. It is also something that I’ve never seemed to master. I chose partners who are commitment-phobic (much like me). I chose projects that either require little commitments or end up abandoning them when I feel the pinch of constraint – when things get too hard and require me to move past my comfort zone. I’m sure this must have to do with something from my childhood, a learned behaviour, but I have neither the time, money or inclination to invest in dissection, so I’m left with trying to figure out what it is that edges me past the discomfort and into that place of … danger … of uncertainty … and feeling okay with it.

So here I am, making yet another attempt at operating within the container of time in which to make something. This opens a space for the other things too, I think. Before the onslaught of life happens, and I am employed and become distracted with making a living and the usual grind of life (which wears on me and erodes my self-discipline in ways I can’t even explain), I want to establish structure. I want to figure out what works for me in order to make things. To finish things. So my word for the year, focus, comes into play. I can’t commit if I can’t figure out a way to selectively focus on things, successively, or remember why I committed to something in the first place. And it doesn’t all have to be perfectly executed upon the first attempt.

So… I’m off to make my second perfectly brewed cup of Starbucks Christmas Blend. Enjoy. Everything. xo

oh what to do….

PrettyClothes

Sitting here this morning, sipping my second cup of coffee (*bliss*) while I figure out what I want to do with my time today.

Oh… and eating shortbread cookies for breakfast (because… well, I’m lazy and it’s right there and it is sooooooo good!).

Already most of the morning is gone and all I’ve done is enjoy coffee which I got at Starbucks yesterday, because I’ve been drinking Nabob and it’s… okay…. but OMG was I ever craving a really STELLAR cup of coffee, so I splurged and bought a pound of the Christmas Blend, which got me a $5 gift card, so technically it only cost me $13 for the pound… *sigh* coffee and chocolate are my two guilty pleasures and they certainly aren’t cheap ones. ANYway… At least I had had the foresight to load my Starbucks card up a while back so I didn’t actually spend any NEW money, but was using my coffee reserve $….

  • I want to get at least 20 minutes of sitting meditation in
  • I’m doing laundry (is that ever a sisyphean task or what?!)
  • I will eventually need to prepare something for dinner (I got some crusty bread and tomatoes, basil and garlic and want to make some bruschetta tonight, to go with our left overs from earlier in the week)
  • I have a pile of magazine pages sitting on the table from the aftermath of my image reaping session last night in an attempt to shrink my magazine pile… contemplating what to do with it – play with the images in a journal or put them in my stash
  • I want to write some more
  • I need to do some research on short fiction submissions (where, when, how, what)
  • I should really do some job hunting research as well (sigh)
  • I want to revamp my website and blog, and need to do research on how to go about doing that, and then play out direction, content, etc.
  • I want to monetize my artwork (and perhaps make some more of it, specifically for this) and set up a couple of store fronts via cafépress and society6, which appear to be the popular go-to’s these days for on-demand stuff

And really lusting after a coat and a dress that I saw in one of the magazines… pics at top (because I saved those pages). They are from the October issue of RealSimple. They are exorbitantly priced, of course, but *pretty*!! In heathery hues… and woven yarn goodness(!) and the shoot was set in what looks like the Scottish Highlands. (Some day…)

AND…… just wondering… how did I ever get so disconnected from the online arts community that I didn’t even know about people like Orly and Effy and Tamara, and the wild buzz around everyone? I think it’s really cool that people are following their bliss. I feel that trying to keep up on the pulse of (every)things is exhausting and… frankly… distracting… which might explain why I have been living under a rock and making rather than seeing.

Am I really missing out on anything?

Sometimes I feel like the whole craft industry feeds upon itself, because if new people didn’t jump on the bandwagon, everything would collapse upon itself (sort of like the mortgage crisis…). In searching for community and connection, people are capitalized upon.

I really miss connecting live with people (Kelly!). Not just in class settings but socially and creatively. The Art Bar and A Little Bizaar (now closed) were such great places for that. There doesn’t seem to be anything like that here, particularly in Port Moody. There is an arts community but it is either a bunch of little blue haired ladies painting perfectly horrible little watercolours (and THEY don’t care… they’re having FUN! which is the point…) and hogging up all of the committee seats in the local art organization, or there are people who take it waaaaaaaaaay too seriously, and are Artists, and there is decidedly less of a fun vibe… smacking of artistic snobbery.

I’m sure there are places in Vancouver… like there’s a really fun life drawing gig going on at a café every month or so, but they hold the event on Sunday evenings (http://drsketchyvancouver.com/) and it’s difficult to get to and from, from where I live, and it a bit of a sketchier (ha… a pun!) part of town…. but it’s like burlesque pin-up meets life drawing… how fun is that?! One of these days…..

Anyway… I’m rambling…. hope you guys are all having a fabulous day.

Adriane xo