Tag Archives: skills

beginner’s journey

Tomorrow I’m scheduled to have my gall bladder removed (though the hospital is expected to only let me know today what time I need to show up for the surgery). This morning, as I lay here in some measure of discomfort (the pain of this gall bladder issue ebbs and flows and is never a predictable predicament), I am reminded why it is that I signed up for this procedure.

It’s a day surgery and I’ll be released same day… we’ve come a long way, baby. My mom had a zipper that spanned upper right front abdomen, slashing down her side to the back. Not a small incision. I’m collecting scars in this life, apparently, and this new batch will be the third conglomeration, added to the hint of appendix removal from when I was six and more recently the c-section scar.

My last couple of more serious surgeries left no visible scars… traces of the cataract removal and lens replacement can only be seen under magnification and the heart surgery was done through catheters and those tiny incisions have also become invisible (or maybe I’m just not flexible enough to find them).

Another “optional” body part bites the dust. I posted on Facebook the other day a query about how many of them one could lose and have the body still function optimally. Does this mean that my gall bladder meridian will no longer have an organ guiding it or is it all on a subtle level and the guidance continues on despite the organ no longer being present? Ahhhh… the things I ponder (in the pre-coffee early morning).

I watched one of Justin Timberlake’s videos the other day from the Oprah Masterclass Series in which he spoke about how he embraces being a beginner all the time throughout his creative process and that he prefers to work from that place because it keeps him feeling fresh and alive.

I have to agree with him on that. I love being in and working from a place of inquiry. I like being proficient enough at something to feel like I’m not floundering but also still enjoy the excitement of discovery and the puzzle of figuring things out. Perhaps I am an anomaly.

Every new task can be approached in this manner, creative ones more obviously but also those that appear to be less so – like building a database for someone. The actions and steps have all been done before and are similar in execution but how you put it together is entirely project reliant, dependent on the current situation’s expected outcomes.

In any case, I’ve been doing a lot of that beginning stuff lately. I recently fashioned a new website (using their tools, clearly, but still had to learn how to use them) on Wix, I’ve created a tiny book, I’ve been sketching and writing (and those who do both know the feeling of what a blank surface evokes in a creative person).

Today, somewhere in between the cleaning, the laundering of bed linens, popping over to the grocery store for a few items and prepping some meals ahead of time in anticipation of being useless and in pain for a couple of days, I want to design a couple of knitting patterns for some fingerless cuffs and mitts to offer up for sale in the Shop.

On that same note, I have a few other things that I want to put up there but the shipping part has me baffled so I’m holding off. I need to figure out packaging, dimensions and weight and mailing details and speed and then go from there. It’s always a mystery, this mailing thing. In any case, that is what is holding up progress somewhat, but I’m working on it.

But I like this place… this space of discovery. It’s what I relish the most about new jobs – that place of learning what you need to know in order to figure out how you can apply all of your previously learned skills to the task, and picking up new ones in the process.

So the day commences… adventure awaits… but first, coffee!

dreaming on…

The opening quote (from George Bernard Shaw) for a book I’m reading (“Body of Work” by Pamela Slim) says:

“Life isn’t about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.”


I’ve been on quite the journey since being laid off. I saw it coming, so it wasn’t a huge surprise, though one is never really prepared to let go the safety rope when the time comes. And I’ve spent quite a bit of time, over the years, mulling over what I wanted to do with this one and precious life but I’m still dumbfounded, some.

There is a difference between dreaming wildly about something and determining and implementing specific steps towards something.

So I’m at that discovery place…

The “What can I do that someone might value and be willing to pay me for?” place.

The “What is it that makes me shine from the inside out?” place.

The “Where can I find ways in which to share the shine?” and the “Where can I find the support network that will help me build the infrastructure to enable this freedom making dream to materialize?” place.

I find there is a lot of fear around this cutting lose of dreams and audacity. Not just mine but others’. People want you to stay realistic, practical – the same. Well there is a place for practicality, once the dream is determined… the steps to implement are practical ones, and finding leads and sources of income are practical… even the doing of the work for which one hopes to be paid is practical… but the visioning and the dreaming… that must remain something impractical, and MINE. Something incorruptible and MINE. I must take ownership of it in order to make it happen, and it will never be if I continue to let others influence what MY dream must look like.

And then there is the ridicule, the doubt… the removal of support from those who think that machete-ing my way through an untread upon path will surely result in failure, because.. look at me, I’M the unemployed one here.

And it’s tough, this place. This place of beginning and not knowing… not knowing the what I have to offer, its inherent value and how to go about offering it.

So I look like I’m at a standstill, engaging in creative things like journaling and painting and writing. It’s not that I’m just playing and wasting time. It is my honest attempt to unlock those very answers that I’m sure I’ll find the keys to when I’m engaged in something else.

In the meantime, I hope to find support, whether financial or otherwise, from the people that are close to me, those who care. I hope they will stand in solidarity with me, until I’ve cut through to clarity.

Work and life are changing. We are at the cusp of a new work paradigm. We have the power in our hands to craft our lives into something radically different. Our reach is wider spread than ever. The potential for success is greater now than it has ever been. Why are we so afraid to take that step? (And by “we” I mean me, but if you identify with this perhaps you as well.) Let’s talk. Comments are open, below. Add your voice to the discussion. Peace. xo