I’m on vacation today – sort of. I have a 1:45PM follow up appointment with the cardiologist and then start work at the grocery store at 6PM. Tomorrow is a stat holiday so I won’t have to wake up early (though I probably will anyway, because of last weekend’s time change and the cats waking me).
Yesterday I got a text from Gabriel just after 2PM letting me know that Vader had brought in a bird. He’d mangled it quite a bit by the time it arrived indoors, and the bird got loose in my room. He warned me that there was blood on the netting on my window (which he had opened to free the poor thing) and that he’d cleaned the blood off of the window. I braced myself for where else I would find the poor little creatures remnants. Sure enough, there were tiny little droplets on my headboard, on my quilt and one at the very top of my flannel sheet. I found more on the top book of the stack that sits on my night stand (which is right below the window opening). There were a few matted feathers on the floor next to the night stand, and another one by my mirrored dresser, which apparently was the first thing that it tried to fly into (thinking that it was a window). It flew behind the dresser, and Gabriel needed to usher it out (with my besom, no less).
Minutes before, I had just been ruminating on a post that I’d read about letting the sacrifices begin (it had been a tongue-in-cheek remark about virgins, sacrifices and the election). I thought that perhaps we needed to make more of them, and was thinking on what constituted a sacrifice. For Catholics (which I am by baptism but not by adherence, except that I think Mary is the bomb), Lent provides a way to perform a sacrifice by giving something up that is beloved. I thought further that perhaps we have become so comfortable in our affluence (because really, when compared to even a century ago, many of us in the western world are incredibly affluent in comparison) that we have a great aversion to experiencing discomfort of any kind.
I know this because I’ve experienced discomfort many times, and each time it required making an adjustment to what was rather than what my expectations were. It made me all the more grateful for the little that came my way, and forced me to focus on the good that surrounded me rather than on the things that dissatisfied me. This is not to say that I wasn’t focused on improving my circumstances, but that while in the thick of unpleasant experience, the only way to surmount the pull of its darkness is to reframe it in some way, and to focus on the steps that can be taken to make them better.
I realized, when I was having a bad go of things, how crucial the people that surrounded me (near and far) were, that without their help I would have been so much worse off. I learned how to reach out and ask for help, and receive it graciously. Not everyone in my circle was willing or able to help, either, but even knowing that they were supportive in spirit helped.
There will be suck in every person’s life, sometimes worse than others. Many years ago, when I went to a weekend workshop put on by Carolyn Gross (Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos), I pulled a bumper sticker (she was offering them the way you would a blind card pull) that read “The only constant is change”. The truth of this struck me at the time, and I carry it with me today. The changes may feel minute but they happen, whether we want them to or not. It is our responsibility to work toward building the sorts of change we wish to come about, tiny step by tiny step, if that is all we are capable of.
I think that this human embodiment is an incredible gift. We develop strengths and weaknesses over the course of our lives and have an opportunity, if we so choose, to build on the former and weed out the latter. Fortunately, this is not a one mistake sport. Sometimes the results are disastrous, because we don’t have the needed skills at the time to overcome the obstacles, but they always provide a learning experience, if we choose to sift though the debris and find them. It doesn’t even mean that we will be exempt from making the same ones over again… sometimes it takes several goes before the necessary adjustments are made.
So I leave you with that thought, and wish you all strength, love and hope. xo