on being human

Some days I just want to curl up into a cocoon and forget about the world. A man is on the street corner of Beatty and Pender, screaming like the guy from Network, only much less eloquently. I’m sure he’s mad as hell too.

The world is being torn apart by soulless people who believe they are doing the right thing. It’s frightening, really. I wonder why God just doesn’t shout down at us from the heavens like a good parent should and say “Enough! Enough of this nonsense!!”

This morning I stayed on the bus instead of getting off at the train station and rode it all the way into town. For a good chunk of the ride I chatted about writing and books and dreams with the woman I sat down next to. Both middle aged (she was a bit older than I am, even), it’s good to know that we still have dreams, things that we aspire to, and passions that drive us from the inside out. After our initial chat we both sunk into the reading of our books.

I got to my stop by 8:13 and was able to pop in to Nester’s to pick up some breakfast. Outside on the curb there was a man sitting there. He greeted me with a cheerful “good morning” and when I said it back to him, it occurred to me that he might be hungry too. So I asked him “You hungry? Would you like something to eat?” and he said yes. I asked him what he wanted.

I got it for him, with a coffee to boot. He thanked me and told me that I made his day. I think he made mine.

We connect far too infrequently with people. I’m not sure what people are afraid of. They use all kinds of methods to keep from really being themselves, from really being seen, or from really seeing another. I know at times I am absorbed in my thoughts and worries and don’t see people as well as I could, but more often than not I am assailed by everyone’s humanness. I feel the pain and the fear keeping people locked behind their eyes, and also their bravery at attempting to free themselves from that which binds them.

It is a constant struggle for me, too.

I have a hard time communicating with people who are closed off. I don’t know how to reach them. They frighten the parts of me that tend to close off too, because it’s so much easier to live reclusively than to take it all in, the good and its opposite.

I’m tired today. I have a half hour work out in a few minutes and then I want to run over to Meinhardt’s to pick up a bunch of lavender. I am plotting the presentation for gift wrapping books that I got for my lovely friends. I had to share the gorgeous book that was The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. As book medicine goes, it’s one that would be of service to all of humankind, if only they were willing to read it and hear its messages.

I have friends coming over for dinner tomorrow evening, and I’m trying to meal plan but I’m still undecided. Something with fish and rhubarb pie, I think, with vanilla ice cream.

I’m working tonight until 10:30. And I’m already tired. Hope you are well.

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2 thoughts on “on being human

  1. tehachap

    It’s good to be able to reach out to others as you did with the man who was hungry and the woman on the bus who was a reader like yourself. As ou commented, we’re all too often wrapped up in our own thoughts to the point where we are oblivious of anything around us. I have to admit to being more and more of a agoraphobic/hermit these days. I really hate to get out and mix with people at times. No idea why… I fight it (the hermit bug) and always wind up going out, but my heart isn’t in it at first.

  2. theartsyfartsychick Post author

    Yeah I can see how that happens when you are isolated and don’t have to, as a general rule, go outside and mingle. The year that I was unemployed, I felt out of synch with almost everything.

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