gonna go ’round in circles

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As I gaze outside the window I see that a fresh batch of rain has left micro puddles in the creases of the patio chairs on the deck. I at once feel a sense of urgency to “get things done” (“things” not being entirely defined) and a need for continuing on with the process of self-inquiry to determine the things that I should be getting done. It sounds like a small civil war has unleashed from my son’s room down the hall, as continual gunfire from the video game he is playing pounds at my temples.

Apparently my foray into town yesterday evening and imbibing in happy hour revelry is something I am sadly out of practice with. I didn’t have that much to drink but the little was still enough to keep me from feeling fully rested after a night’s sleep and left me with a hint of a headache right behind my left eye.

The Spreecast for the book group meeting that has been an ongoing Saturday morning “thing” for the past month was canceled with short notice this morning and I’m feeling a bit adrift – I look forward to it. Clearly, I don’t get out much.

I fired off a half dozen or so job applications this morning. This process of applying remotely is a bit daunting. Yet another way we dehumanize the process of interacting with the world. I wonder if I will find work soon, and whether it will bring me the kind of satisfaction that I am hoping to find. I want to contribute saliently and also be my genuine self. It seems like the two shouldn’t be mutually exclusive but I’ve found that it often is. Why is making a decent living wage such rocket science these days? It didn’t used to be, and finding work was relatively easy.

I want to dissolve into play, or get lost in a book, yet when I try to do either I seem incapable of full absorption. Movies then. Maybe I ought to watch something and suspend the brain chatter that way. Giving the crunching a rest while it works in the background to figure things out might yield more valuable results.

So… this is a meandering post, to go with my meandering mood. The rain has started back up again, in earnest, yet the sun has broken through a parting in the clouds to illuminate the trees in the front yard. Another explosion booms from my son’s room. Today feels like it will be a very strange day.

I should vacuum. Maybe I ought to knit something. I think there’s an ibuprofen gelcap with my name on it. A donut sounds really good… fresh and chocolate dipped.

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