truth or consequences

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The school year is only a month or so in, but already the emails start coming, from the teachers, from the counsellor. My son will early next year officially be of voting age, and yet, and yet…

A friend asked about consequences for his not showing up and going to school. The onus is on him. The consequences for him not following through are his failure to thrive. So no punishment, which to my mind, as far as he is concerned, has not worked since elementary school (and I question it’s effectiveness, even then, in retrospect).

We did, however, have a talk. I talked, mostly, and he listened, mostly, but when asked he did reply as best he could, and that’s all I can expect. I told him to reach out – that he is never in anything alone – and if he needs assistance or just a sounding board, people who love and care about him are around him and always available.

I did not get preachy (much) but I told him that some people are lucky and some people struggle and some work really hard and we all attempt to wring out of life what we need and want, and what that means to each person is an individual thing, but we each need to spend some time with ourselves to figure out what that is.

I told him that I struggle, that I struggle to provide us a good life because I didn’t think much about these same things when I was young and life made choices for me. I told him I struggle as a human being and at almost 50 I am still only now figuring some important things out about myself and life.

I told him I struggle as a parent, excruciatingly making choices for the both of us that will permanently, in some way, affect both our lives. Tears were shed, by both of us. I think I got through. Maybe.

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One thought on “truth or consequences

  1. GlutenFreeDivas

    Hi Adrian, it’s me Sandra! I wanted to tell you how much this hit home for me. We both have kids that are the same age and grade. This is a hard time for us and for our kids. We fear grave consequences because we’ve made our fair share of mistakes. Wish I could have a do-over sometimes. So we have more wisdom than they do, even though we sometimes feel we don’t have much of it. I do know, the older I get, the less I know when I once thought I knew it all and that I was invincible. That’s from being knocked around a few times. Our kids’ frontal lobe has not yet been fully developed. it doesn’t until mid 20’s….Oy vey! I’ve been told this by counselors and read it too. This would explain the impulse issues, among a host of others, including but not limited to HORMONES. It’s a tough time…if we could just get them through high school as unscathed as possible. We are their oak tree even though they don’t acknowledge it. Continue to stand firm like that tree and to love which I know you do lots. Love you….Sandra

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