“I shut my eyes in order to see truth” ~Paul Gauguin
From early adolescence, I was on a mission of sorts. On a deep level, I felt there was more to life than what met my eyes. I read many books on various and sundry esoteric subjects and over the next several decades, while progressively becoming more myopic as the years unfolded, I turned myself inside out, discovering multiple times exactly what was meant by a dark night of the soul.
I received an email newsletter a few days ago professing the virtues of raising your vibration. The light chasers are everywhere. There is a sort of fear in them, one that denies the cycle of darkness and light… and growth.
So many are looking for an answer. A panacea. A magic pill (or in this case, maybe a crystal?). A ticket to heaven’s front row seat. THE answer. I could be flippant and say it’s 42, but… ::smile::
I remember that feeling well, because I was one of those seekers for the longest time, looking outside of myself for an answer that can only be found within. I was seeking with a sense of mounting urgency and desperation, as though I just HAD to find out the answers to the mysteries laying beneath this reality, or else.
For years I’d wished that some great guru would manifest and come and guide me toward nirvana.
For years I expected someone else to tell me what to do with this crystal or that mantra, and expected others to guide me–to show me the way to wisdom, not trusting in my own intuition to discern right action.
In the end, the journey is our own. No one else can show you which path to take because your feet are the first ones to lay foot on the journey to the center of yourself. You are unique–none will be like you after you have gone, nor has there been anyone quite like you before.
As one of the lessons that has been particularly succinct in this lifetime for me, I am learning to take personal responsibility for all aspects of my Self, from my material parts to my immaterial ones. What I do always remains my choice.
In many ways that is the most difficult thing of all, this understanding that I am embodied with all of the wisdom I will ever need to become Conscious. It is understanding that the duality that we must acknowledge in this physical manifestation is not to be rued but to be used as the source of our growth… and to embrace its potency.
And so… there is no one alive (or disembodied) who can wave away your pains with a wand, or banish your sorrows or your miseries with a spell. That task is yours, and yours alone. You are embodied with the same god stuff that flows through the highest of the high. You, at your most still centre know this to be true. You also must allow it to manifest in your life or none of the wand waving and well-intended wishing will ever bring it into being. At least not so that it sticks.
Several years ago, as my own vision became foggier due to cataracts, especially one of a very rapidly developing sort in my right eye, within three months I had gone from being merely myopic to being besieged with a soupy haze so thick that I’m sure it rivaled the worst London fog. Though my vision was, through surgery, restored, I chose to look upon this particular experience through mystical lens, noting the parallels of my vision challenges to those in myth, others whose eyesight had been lost and then restored, or simply imbued with an altogether different sort of Sight. Odin. Horus. Erebus. Tiresias. Tyche. Ploutos. Themis.
So I humbly entreaty you to learn. To read. To shake a stick and dance the watoosie. To receive good vibes and build protective egg shields… if that is what will being you closer to the centre of your Self.
And when you find it, don’t be frightened of your greatness or your callowness.
Embrace all of who You are.
Accept your humanity even as it is inexorably interwoven with your divinity.
See it in yourself.
See ALL of yourself.
See it in others.
Be patient, all around.
Be fearless in the opening of your inner eye, because it will lead you true.
It will show you things you may not want to see; drag your sorry ass through your own personal hell (multiple times, even). But in the end it will lead you to your own, personal, Jesus… your Christ Self that has always been, and will always be, within you.