Monthly Archives: January 2010

Soul Mates ~ I have something to say (you aren’t surprised, are you?)

So much talk about soul mates in the mainstream, and how “everybody” is looking for theirs. This morning I was reading a journal post on a dating website that I’d joined (and unjoined)*** by someone lamenting on how so many are looking for theirs, and is there really such a thing possible.

I think the interpretation of this concept, if you will, is inherently faulty. I think what we as humans mean by a soul mate is really a mating of the soul. Ahhh… interesting to consider, right?

Okay, I’ll go there… The last decade and a half of my life has been spent with someone who was a decent human being. We all have quirks~tell me you aren’t surprised to hear that I have some too. So it isn’t surprising that some differences are bound to be uncomfortable to live with, but do they constitute reasons to discard a relationship entirely? I don’t think so, but that’s just me. It seems it all depends upon your level of tolerance and what your expectations are of a partner. Fair enough.

If two people are engaged on a soul level, you function from a different place. Wouldn’t every aspect of your exchanges of energy be of an entirely different vibration? Love making be that much more … ecstatic? Wouldn’t every thing you do for each other, for the Whole, be set upon with a different mindset than the “what have you done for me lately?” viewpoint? Engaged. Both (or however many are involved in the dynamic of your relationship) partners, if practicing mindful engagement would feel validated. “I see you” ~ past the fluff of physicality right down to the core of who you are ~ and I honor who you are, in your perfect imperfection.

The other thing the board members were commenting about in regard to soul mates was the expectation of longevity… the “this is THE one” expectation. I would like to propose that every relationship (regardless of the level of intimacy), if approached with that expectation, can only be richer and more meaningful. Whether for one day, one month, one year or one lifetime, if your focus was on exploring the depths of another human being in a reciprocal exchange, wouldn’t the journey be worth the trip, regardless of its length? Is this so hard to grasp?

There, I’m done. Plunge in… 🙂

*** okay, I feel the need to correct… I joined (again) and after I stopped stressing about the whole process am meeting some pretty awesome folks, virtually and not-so-virtually.

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Retrospectives… and looking forward

This has been a busy, though largely unproductive, time for me. Today is my last day off before I head back to work and I feel ambivalent about that. My work situation has been … bizarre … no other way to put it, and probably not worth going into in detail anyway.

This past year has been such a year of change for me. I’ve separated after 15+ years of marriage, lost a job, was unemployed for a time, got a job but feel oddly useless in it, moved over a thousand miles away from where I’ve been living and back to my country of origin. I miss the familiarity that I thought I didn’t have at the old place; I’m excited about the new place; I miss having sex (it’s been a while… a year and a half… okay, maybe a bit less, but it feels like an eternity); I miss having a lover (our marriage was on shaky ground for a while before it petered out completely~intimacy was part of the problem). I’ve not been feeling very creative this past year, and only managed to pump out a few pieces of art, wrote a bit of poetry and one short story. It feels like it’s all just festering inside of me, in a state of chaos but not substantiated into anything solid. I’m tired. I miss being loved (by someone other than my child).

I’ve been “the caretaker” and while I used to do a really bitchin’ job in the beginning, my lack of energy mirrors my caretaking these days. Sporadic laundry doing… dishes done so-very-not-daily… cooking sometimes more elaborate things but mostly stuff I don’t have to work too hard at… and the inner chaos I feel reflects my surroundings as well… still not enough furniture to store the boxes of “stuff” I have littering my walkways, piled high against walls. The two, obviously, correlate… I believe in feng shui… but the funds needed for new furniture purchases are slow in coming… something else that is more pressing always seems to take priority.

I always thought that I’d have it “together” by midlife. Funny that by the time I pulled my Self together, everything else around me has disintegrated. Ugh. I’d love to make a career change, but can’t figure how the numbers would add up, seeing that I am the sole supporter of myself and my child now (though his dad does help… it’s still expensive to live on the west coast, regardless of which side of the border you live on).

My ex has moved on, and then some. He’s been dating for months, meeting (and obviously bedding, because that is what he does) women. We’re on friendly terms and talk about these things, and so he’s recently shared news of his successful dates, and encouraged me to visit some dating sites. Oh my… mostly they are frightening, and the whole prospect of dating is frightening to me. I’m not skinny, or even “athletic”… I’m not horribly obese, but I suppose the first thing one notices about me are potentially my pendulous breasts and that my jawline isn’t exactly chiseled. I’m not a breathtaking beauty. But mostly, I’m concerned about meeting someone who will on a fundamental level understand who I am and who I will be able to do the same with. And… I still like having sex and don’t feel like dealing with a partner that I would have to draw a roadmap for… in fact, it would be so awfully nice to find someone who will explore the sacredness of sexuality with me.

All of this is probably TMI…

Looking forward… I’m planning a trip this year with a friend of mine from California. She asked where I’d like to go to, and said she would do the research necessary. I want to go to Italy… Tuscany, maybe, or other parts too, but definitely Tuscany. I want to bring my small Moleskine and watercolors with me and sketch and paint as I go along. I want to see for myself the beauty of that land. I have up to three weeks of vacation time to work with. Now that I have a valid passport, I plan on traveling a lot more. Screw the furniture. ;^P

I find that the start and end to things like calendar years, seasons, Celtic years, Chinese years, school years, birth years… are arbitrary and provide an opportunity to review, integrate and start afresh. I hope you have all had a good year, whichever span you choose to measure it by, and that the next one will be even better.

Blessings to you all…
Adriane