In the heart of winter…

In the depth of winter I finally learned that there lay within me an invincible summer. – Albert Camus

I decided, this morning, that I needed to create today. I’ve had these materials out since before the holidays, in preparation for the moment when I would feel assailed by creative inspiration. Well, maybe it comes as no surprise that I just haven’t been feeling it lately. I’ve been stuffing it, instead, perhaps waiting for a moment when, after properly incubating, I’ll feel like birthing something. Actually, I kinda feel like shit today… have been for weeks now, but ever the trooper, I keep trying to make some semblance of cheer (thinking like the rest of the world that if I paste that smile on, that I’ll become convinced that I’m a happy camper), even though I’ve stalled big time on just about everything. A moratorium of feeling… uncomfortably numb. I’ve felt that if I pulled out my art materials, without getting my other (read: more important) duties done (like the 2007 taxes, for instance) that I’d get major stink-eye. But… fuck it, you know? It’ll all get done sooner or later, and the place is quiet (well, except for some Sarah McLachlin streaming from my iMac), and I’ve burned some incense and smudged the whole blessed place in an effort to get the sticky energy flowing… So… here’s the start… it’s for my December Chapbook collaboration project. The Camus quote was a sort of springboard, if you will, for the concept of the piece… the return of light amidst the darkness… all that. The sheets will get cut up into 5.5″ x 8″ ‘pieces’ which I’ll work on some more (read: attach things to… paint some more… and since it’s “wintery” stuff, stick some fake glitter-snow on).

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2 thoughts on “In the heart of winter…

  1. Gigi Starnes

    Cannot tell you how many times in my life I’ve felt EXACTLY what you just articulated so clearly. My daddy taught me by example to fake it till I make it, and it’s stood me in good stead. Most of the time, no one knew I was faking it but me.

    Like cats, we have more lives than one. Each time we reinvent self, we walk a different path, and each time, the path leads us closer to our true self. So hang in there pal, you’re on the right track for now.

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