Monthly Archives: March 2008

Changing… shifting… into self


Not yet completed entry from Moleskine Journal

I have been listening to Rick Jarow’s The Ultimate Anti-Career Guide: The Inner Path to Finding Your Work in the World  in which he says that in order to effect change, one must get angry enough. Perhaps I have not quite gotten there, but I feel it simmering just below my surface. I believe that the anger must be strong enough to overcome the fear. I am almost there and ready to plunge into my destiny.As a trained SoulCollage facilitator, I received the most recent newsletter in which founder Seena Frost commented on how it is her hope “…that SoulCollage has the capacity, through all of you, to awaken people to greater consciousness. I hope that by balancing chaotic energies within one’s personal soul, this soul will go on to help balance chaotic energies in families and communities and even administrations!” She goes on to say that she will be listening in to the Oprah/Eckhart Tolle Skype discussions, which debuted on Monday. I also listened to this talk after the fact and may well listen in to the rest. My feeling was that the last thing I needed to do was to read another book of this type. There are so many already out there, and all of them simply rehash the same concepts and present them in a different manner.

My thoughts on the awakening of the soul is this: there has to be an innate desire to do so, and if a person is not “ready” to receive the information, it will all seem like so much mumbo-jumbo. I believe that people are either born with the capacity for a higher consciousness or they are not, or that some life-altering event triggers something in the soul and makes them so. I think that the broad reach of many of these lines of thought is wonderful, and exposes people to new possibilities who would perhaps not have been exposed due to the cultural or social conditions they live in.

I find human nature disturbing. Not the various parts of ourselves, which through SoulCollage many (myself included) are able to reintegrate into themselves and honor, instead of disown. How much better each of us would be if we recognized within ourselves all of the different aspects of ourselves and acknowledged them, seen who was showing up and were able to greet them with familiarity and respect? Perhaps all of our parts would behave at a higher level then, not just acting out like ignored children yearning for attention, but as honored guests who know they can contribute something worthwhile.

But all of this work takes immense courage, the courage to delve into the messy middle of ourselves, and those who dwell on the surface of themselves… their lives… simply do not want to undertake the expedition. Some are busy being victims and victors, and are so exhausted from their daily battles that taking on the task of excavating themselves is simply overwhelming. Others simply go about with a sort of head static interrupting the soul’s signaling for expansion. They are the judges and jurors… the pigeon-holers… the ones who criticize everyone they come into contact with and yet are unable to recognize their own inadequacies, but will justify their behavior, good or otherwise, because they must in order to ignore the inner gnawing that occasionally manages to emerge… to tell them that something is off. These are but a few examples of many possible variations.

Perhaps there is a sense in all of us of a great, impending change that must occur soon, and because change is perceived as a bad thing and triggers the reflexes that reverts the brain into a rather primitive state, there is a scramble for upholding the status quo until the very last moment. It will get uglier before it gets better I think. And we are back to these wonderful tools that are available to those who are ready to make the shift… to go within… to look at the world from the inside of themselves before turning their eyes outward.

Sniffle-y… snivelling…

I have a cold but hopefully am on an upswing now. I’m really excited about the writing workshop I’ll be attending in San Diego this weekend! I’m ready to get lost in my imagination! I’ve had “one of those” weeks, particularly the last couple of days. Human nature throws me for a loop each and every time. I often feel like an alien trying to live on a planet that is not my own, and people’s behavior’s are so different from my own planet’s populace, that no matter what I do, I do it “wrong”… or not like what would be expected of a proper citizen of this world.

This business… this corporate WORLD that I work in, must immerse myself in on a daily basis, feels like that alien world. I can’t seem to get it right, and even when I wear the right clothes, do the work… try to be “professional”… I still don’t fit in. It’s the pettiness… the lack of empathy toward others… the inability to shift paradigm to see another person’s perspective and say… “I understand”… those disturb me. They disturb me on a level that I can’t even begin to explain with words, but of course, I will try.

A study in white… and not-so-white


I finally sat down and created something today. I’ve been busy with avoidance tactics, like laundry or watching The Matrix Trilogy for the umpteenth time (with my son, who gladly watches it over-and-over-and-over with me) or surrepititiously checking email and what not, and consuming large amounts of organic chocolate bars. So I feel rather triumphant today to have gotten a couple of (albeit small) pieces done. I had to create a postcard of the month (for February) – the color theme was white. I collaged some papers and other whitish things onto one of those watercolor illustration boards. Then I decided to do a second one, but this one ended up in the not-so-white category… but I like it a lot. It’s not quite done yet, but almost.

***update: I’ve uploaded the finished not-so-white piece-done!***