Self-portrait, colored pencil sketch
Ahhh… Conjure One remains one of my favorite bands. My headphones are plugged in and the volume cranked.
The everyday art project is drawing to a close, and I should have completed all of my pieces now, thirty two in all. I’ve completed about half, and will spend the rest of the weekend catching up. I now realize that I should have picked another subject matter to draw, as I am quite bored with rendering myself. I think partly it is the difficulty I am having rendering myself is the problem. When working with a mirror, I find it difficult to keep a constant expression, and so choose not to have one (which makes me look very stern and unhappy in the drawings). On the other hand, working from photographs presents a whole other set of issues to overcome. Some of the photos I’ve shot myself, holding the camera extended out. Others my husband has taken, and quite honestly hasn’t captured what I was seeking. So I am left with photos that don’t provide much in the way of inspiration, and I must work that much harder to create a piece.
In any case, this has been an interesting exercise. I realize now that signing on for something of this nature is too much for me to be able to comfortably maintain, and that in trying to do so, I incur more stress (which is in fact the opposite of what I am trying to accomplish with art). I also realize that as much as I love to participate in collaborative efforts, finding that it springboards my creative process and forces me to create when the lack of discipline would keep me from producing any work otherwise, I also tend to sign on for more than I can do, and again create a stressful situation for myself. At times I wonder whether stress is a necessary catalyst for action for me… or if it is a byproduct of procrastination. Am I too hard on myself? In my quest for perfection in my art, do I end up worrying too much about what to do? All in an effort to please. I like to harp on everyone else about letting go of the end result and yet I fret throughout my journey there.
Another frustration for me right now is that I have no space. My studio “area” is along one strip of wall in our livingroom. The livingroom is shared by my husband, where he has his office space set up, and my son, who when we are home is forever either watching television or playing videogames. The incessant chatter from the T.V. or from my son expressing his displeasure at being “killed” once again by one of the videogame characters or listening to my husband smacking his lips which he’s sucking on a hard candy makes the process of creating art very difficult indeed. Particularly when I’m conceiving a piece, I need to get into a certain space, and it requires silence… or music… but certainly an atmosphere condusive to a meditative state. This perhaps explains why I have been feeling more “wordy” lately. I can type on the keyboard with my headphones plugged into my computer and turn up the volume loud enough for the headset to sufficiently block out the noise in the room.
I’ve also been feeling the need to get outside and explore the world with my camera. I feel that I need some images to work with in my art, and want to use personal imagery, stuff that has meaning to me, versus using someone else’s work.
I’m also in a “gathering stage” at the moment. Instead of creating, I feel the need to amass information… to feed my Self. I ordered Ki Longfellow’s “The Secret Magdalene” which arrived on Friday. I started reading the book and got sidetracked somehow, pulling another book off of my bookshelf which I’d purchased a while ago but had not yet read. This one is The Gospel of Mary Magdalene, which drew me in and so I will finish reading it prior to resuming my reading of Ki’s book. Prior to the actual translation of the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, the book discusses the history of the foundation of modern day Christianity, and the “anthropology” of the time. It is interesting to note that certain gospels were rejected based on their content, and what was perceived as being the lack of continuity with the rest of the gospels. To me, it would make sense that the message that the Christ would have conveyed while living would have been different than that which he would have conveyed after having ascended.
Oh the mysteries of life… and death. What I know is that we are each much more powerful than we ever can conceivably imagine, and that our ignorance of this fact, perhaps by choice (in our effort to not assume responsibility for it), will lead to our destruction. I also know that there are too many heavenly chefs and they have spoiled the soup… and this is reflected in our world of today.