(photo courtesy of catalyzingchange.org)
Today marks the end of my “staycation”, during which I did very little.
I worked two nights and two weekend days (though I will tonight as well, but have not counted it yet).
I nursed the wound of losing my Kittie to a sudden illness.
I rejoiced in welcoming two new (and very big) furry pusses into our family fold (not without some level of drama, I might add).
[I revel in the wisdom of my son and his lovely girlfriend who knew that these purring new additions would lessen my sorrow.]
I cooked for and entertained a handful of good friends.
I cleaned the fridge.
Did some household chores.
Slept (or tried to, despite bouts of insomnia compounded by construction noise).
Journeyed through ten days of a new(ish) meditative practice with Carrie Anne Moss via her Milk and Honey online course (which was delightful, though due to the aforementioned nursing of wounds, I must say I was less than focused on regular practice).
I spent some time thinking. Thinking about what I wanted (and didn’t).
I moved furniture around.
I spent a lot of time musing about how fleeting all of this is.
I thought about how much importance we impart to our meaning.
I wonder at the dichotomy of finding meaning in all of this and our establishing self-importance through the act of finding meaning.
Does either serve us well? Do both, simultaneously?
I pondered on how “meaning” and my understanding of it has shifted over the years; what I thought meaningful at different stages of my life.
How the shift in paradigm could not have occurred by any other means but through the passage of time and experiential knowledge, the grinding away of my external “skin” to smooth away all of the edges that I held on to as parts of who I believed I was integral to the journey.
I considered that perhaps some of those edges were necessary (and, now that they are no longer there, have changed me in inexorable ways – not always for the better).
I considered ways in which I could tap into the juice that those edges brought into being through other means more aligned with who I am now.
I marvel at my ever-changing nature.
I honour her.
There is love in my heart. It flows through me and over me and out into the world. Our world.
This love feeds back into me in ways that I would never have noticed a decade ago… or perhaps even yesterday.
I give thanks.
I have much to do.
As of last 10:01PM last night, I have officially been on a three day long vacation (staycation?).
The humidity levels have thankfully dropped and there is a breeze flowing through the house. I look forward to meeting up with a friend this evening for a full moon gathering.
It’s late (10:11pm) but the night sky is still tinged with light, pinkish-purple clouds crowding the horizon.
Every now and then I see a flash of light that looks like a lightening flash. It may well be one. It’s been hot (unusually hot) this last week, especially, and the air in the house is stifled.
It’s cooler outside than it is inside. I’m sitting out on the back deck contemplating taking a shower, though what I really feel like doing is simply sleeping, which won’t come easy because not only is it hot in my room and the air refuses to move, Gabriel is playing video games and the noise of gun fire and explosions streams all too easily into my room from his with our doors open. Open doors are a must on these hot, stagnant air nights.
I’ve watered the potted herb planters sitting outside on the deck and now the scent of thyme, oregano and lavender mingles in the light breeze. I pray for rain even as I search the sky for thickening clouds. The wind is picking up a bit; maybe my prayer is working a little.
I will be off for three whole days next week and I am hopeful that the weather will cooperate with sunny but not too hot temperatures. I wanted my time off to be fruitful, to catch up on housework and chores and still have time and energy left for a bit of hiking and perhaps an excursion to Granville or a beach. Maybe. If it gets too hot my energy gets sapped before I am able to accomplish much of anything.
I’ve been drinking lots of water, too, which is unusual for me. I’m not normally a huge fan but it’s all that seems to adequately quench my thirst, which seems bottomless.
My intention was to do some journaling this evening but I didn’t get much past eating, cleaning up the dishes and counter, watering plants, catching up on email and online posts and giving the cat some love.
I did work today, so I will cut myself some slack. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.